You leave me SPEECHLESS.,

Oh crap~

It's just a gap of 1 day's time and Im already back to the emo mood....
Shoo shoo... He's not even showing any gratitude and sorry for hurting me..
So, Why should I b feeling sorry and pity towards him??
Oh gosh~

Wad am I doing?
Lolx... my soft heart is atacking me... seriously...

Hate it!!!
In a bad mood and emo-ness...
Crap!!

"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."

3:12 AM

Officially....
After got scolded by " somebody"

Teng gonna call off this plan....
Teng gonna say...
" I give up ..... Goodbye!"

I shall make this the last memory already...

p/s: thanks to my besties WS,SY,SJ, n SQ for u all the support...love u all =]

Thanks for everythng...U're all my besties.... BFF's 4ever...n sorry for all the trouble

hope there's no regret....

lastly..the owner herself...

"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."

2:56 AM

Im a lil confused and depressed and in fact lost my study mood.. Im 100% clear of wad i am doing is absolutely wrong.. But, what can i do? Im so pissed off and totally out of the mood to do anythng.. At last , I managed to pump up my courage to send him a msg after for so long.. I sms-ed him bout whether will he be going for tkd on sat (24/7/10) ..he replied me he seldom attend tkd already... Then i asked him..,i managed to ask him..y would he delete me from his fb n msn...
Guess wad? His reply was a short one and simple yet, mean..." Coz I don admit tat i noe u"

My last replied to him was... "dec until now.. u duno me? wad bout those tat u nvr chatted with them b4? u admit them as ur fren but not me.. "

Yesterday -saturday (24/7/10)
i was on9.. and my fren WS to0.. i told her bout this... She told me that actuali she knew why he deleted me alrdy.. She told me... She went to ask KS bout Jk.. Ks told her .. Jk thnk v2 are not match and he dont know bout my stuff ....
Same reason.... " Wat did I do to make u felt like tis?"

Justnow morning -Sunday (25/7/10)
I was in the class with WS to0... We chatted awhile bout her outing wit her partner^^ (congratx) to her... ^^ im happy for her..seriously am...=] Then we did chatted bout JK... She told me...
"Actually, Ks felt that "he" still likes u.. He still gt feel towards u.. Cuz he cares bout u... " I was reluctant and I replied " who say?" Her replied " Ks told me tat "he" knew that u got band 4 for muet.. and is upset bout it..He told those sitting behind...to not to ask u bout ur marks... cuz u're unhapi bout it... And Ks said the prob is he has no confident of himself "

Based on these...
What do u think I should feel or do? I knew..practically and generally both of us is indeed not so match.. But, Who cares? As long as you know u like me.. and i like you... At least, We can improve together ... I wanna told him this face 2 face..but I never got the courage..

" JK... I know your weakness.. I know u're no faith of yourself..I know ur studies is bad.. I know ur temper is bad.. I know ur jealousy.. I know ur coward ,but basically only coward towards me.. I know ur bigger than me... I know... I know..Everything also I know... But, I don't mind all that..
Im not that perfect either... I know with my ability and appearance, I can get a better choice.. But, do you know what I want? What exactly I want? You love me for Who I am, So do I.. I love you exactly coz who you are... Can't you see it? Yes.. I admit .. At first, I thought v r impossible cuz of our differences ... But, Throughout our communication... I realised I wanted to b the one to b there when u're unhapi... or happy.... I wanted to b thr to help u in ur studies if I can... I wanted to b thr to tel u .. u're great. when u're lack of confident... I wanted to b thr when u nid sumone's support... At least, Let me know that U will change a little just becuz u love me.. Don't give urself excuses that u cant change... it's not u cant, is u're not willing to... JK... Shuldnt I say u stupid? Are u blind? The more u hide... the more u hurt me n urself... I know ur intention.. u hurt me just to make me hate u... I don't want all that.. Becuz of u..i hurt myself... I know I dont deserve all this... I reali do... Just like What I always tell Aec ge.. I know wad exactly i shud do... I know basically I can get over this ... Its me choosing not to give up... not to lose hope.. But, Why would u choose to give up? becuz of u..i risked a lot... Eg, my family.... But, why? the outcome is so disapointed? I wanted to hear from u that u're sorry... u're not gonna hurt me again... JK.. How can u possibly make promises to me and break all of them..?? every single of them!!! It's the 3rd time.. If u reli love me..How can u possible do this to me? U promised not to hurt me again...You promised that Im the only one.. You promised to tel me everythng.. You promised me not to boycott me again..!!! JK... wad r u doing?? "

Im such a coward... I can't even say any of this in front of him..not to mention dont even have the chance to confront him....

Goodbye... Im sorry... I've brought up so much of sufferings and sadness to u...

Goodbye JK... i wish u're happy everyday....

Goodbye....my first love....

goodbye...

p/s: Apologise to my beloved family...

"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."

11:26 PM

Today marks the 22nd day of grief...

of me towards him...

Today marks the end of all the griefness...

I shall end everything before its to0 late..

After all...

I knew that he loves me to0..

Yet, Under some comunication errors..

There's no way we can get any closer..

Perhaps he's rite..

After all..

Im always doubtful of myself for choosing him over the other..

Perhaps he's rite...

I've chosen the wrong person....

N at last.. Im really letting everythng go..

Teng promised Mr.W.K already..

That this will be the last time..

Im going to tell him tat im sad cz of Mr.J.k

"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."

8:23 AM

After so much of struggling....

I never got What i wished for.. nor does him...

At last...

Both of us finally decided to let go...

He deleted me from his every contacts...

Yet...

I managed to see this just before he reset his settings...

Which means...

this is the last time..

I can view his contents...

Yes,,, He is cruel..

Yet,

Deep inside..

I knew that..

He , too bleeds terribly...

The 1st time

The last time

In public...

I love you...

His last contents that i managed to see..

know we both tried,and gave and gave.
but in the end,u cant have what isn't meant to be,
u just have to smile and move on gently.
the harder it gets,as days goes by,just thinking his name,makes u cry.
perhaps meeting someone new helps u realize,
...u were always falling for the wrong type of guy.
moving on is easier but part of u never will,
he was your first love and part of u loves him still

Though I finally decide to let go.
But your taking a part of me with you.
A part that I'll never get back.
Its a piece of my heart.
No matter who replaces you.
...You'll be the one that that holds that piece.
So my heart will somehow always be empty.
And i know its impossible yet still i ask,
Can i somehow get that piece of my heart back?

"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."

1:13 AM

If you were in my shoes, do you thnk you can understand my current feelings?
I dont even know wad had happen..
Wad's the cause of all this..
Its the 3rd time u stabbed me in the heart...
Of everythng cn turn back..I wish I never met you..
So, I dont have to change myself for u,...yet, the results is so disappointing yet unbearable..
I wanted to you this..
"I hate you so much"

"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."

10:38 PM